The Baby Shower Conspiracy
by NomDuClavier
Summary: Leonard and Penny finally manage to get into a stable relationship, and sometime later have some happy news to share. Sheldon of course has quite a bit to say, just not on the matter they expect – Dedicated to idioticonion; Minor spoiler for 2.11; AU.


**The Big Bang Theory  
**–  
**The Baby Shower Conspiracy**

**Pairing: **Leonard/Penny**  
Genre:** Romance, Friendship, Humor**  
Word count:** ~750**  
Rating:** K+**  
Notes:** Inspired by myboygeorge's "The Winona Karenina Principle".  
Minor spoiler for 2.11: "The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis."  
Also, this would be my first ever piece of 'kid-safe' fanfic... I'm unsure whether that's a good thing. :P

**Dedicated to:** My _bro_ idioticonion, who I know is an equally large TBBT aficionado as she is a fellow HIMYM fan.

**Summary:** Leonard and Penny finally manage to get into a stable relationship, and sometime later have some happy news to share. Sheldon of course has his thing to say about the matter, just not exactly what they'd expected – AU; One-shot.

* * *

When Penny and Leonard (who now lived with her) came to visit Sheldon's apartment (now shared with Raj) on what was known to be _Nintendo Wii night_ and decided it a good time to share some news with their – granted, still mostly Leonard's – friends, Sheldon of course had to say something about the matter.

"I've grown to understand over the years that it's customary to wish the couple well on an occasion such as this, and express my hope that the offspring will be born healthy and with a full set of mental faculties, so I'll be generous and not tell you the odds of that happening with either of your genetic contributions, let alone a random combination of your haploids."

Sheldon, trying his best not to come across as smug, and instead welcoming of this development, failed miserably.

"Sheldon!" Leonard had more success sounding annoyed, reprimanding and whiny all at once. An impressive feat completely lost on his friend, who powered on.

"There is one thing I do feel I need to say: If you throw a baby shower, I won't attend. What nonsense is that anyway, a baby shower?"

That took everyone by surprise. More insinuations regarding the fetus' later choices of career had been expected; this ... not so much.

Penny knew she'd regret it, but invited the explanation she knew was inevitable as it was; Sheldon already exuded that air he got when about to drop a meaningful (and to Penny and most others utterly trivial) piece of information on them. "You reject baby showers as a custom, because you don't know what you're expected to gift?"

Sheldon gave her a look that said just how intellectually inferior he thought her to be, but quickly changed his demeanor, because there had been that ... he was Sheldon, he didn't need a reason. "No!" his voice rose in pitch.

After clearing his throat he continued. "I find the concept of a baby shower unacceptable. Everyone knows parents bathe their baby until the child can stand under its own power. And then there's the whole throwing aspect. Showers tend to be bolted down in the bathroom, and even if they weren't the weight and sheer form factor complicate ballistic movement."

Leonard sighed. "It's not meant to be taken literally, Sheldon."

Raj whispered something in Leonard's ear, who of his own accord told the group. "Raj says Howard might be able to design and build a smaller, more portable shower, with a form factor suited to infants."

Howard was keen to boast, naturally. "I'd make it throw-proof as well, in case Sheldon gets any ideas; say for example a scientific experiment testing the safety of such a device by throwing it out of the window, along with the shower water."

"Exactly my point," Sheldon interjects. "Another such strange vernacular phenomenon. Who in their right mind would throw the baby out with the bathwater? It has an adverse effect on the survivability of the species, one would think it needn't have a handy colloquial reminder for people not to do it."

Penny looks at Sheldon as if he'd grown a second head. The others, now familiar with this look of hers, and more at home in geeky literature, do see the resemblance between Sheldon and one _Zaphod Beeblebrox_; to begin with, they share a good dose of hubris.

"I'm even tempted to say," Sheldon's completely unleashed now, "that it's a conspiracy against science. Teach parents to think of showering with their kids instead of bathing them, ostensibly because not sitting in bathwater is more hygienic, by way of an innocuous sounding invitation to a 'baby shower', and before you know it, future geniuses are found coming up lacking when they can't find a suitable environment in which to exclaim _"Eureka!"_ It's an affront to all those giants on whose shoulders we stand, I tell you."

"Yeah... about future geniuses," Penny tries, "you do recall the announcement we made?"

"Who says it'll be a ..." Sheldon for once in his life censors himself, thinking the bath gifts still didn't constitute enough payment, "Congratulations, you two!"

Penny wisely kept the 'There, that wasn't so hard now, was it' to herself.

A brief moment of silence had her hoping Sheldon was done talking for now, eager to begin _Wii night;_ alas, she was foiled when he opened his mouth again.

"I take it you'll want me to be Godfather? That custom reminds me ..."

* * *

**Author's note:** T'was quite silly, indeed.


End file.
